A matter of speaking...

I'm portuguese. But I write in english.
The reason why is because I feel more confortable with that language. For example, when I think, I think in english, sometimes I make a fool out of myself because, in my speech sudenly comes an english word in the middle of an entire portuguese frase, apparently my internal translator is slower than my thoughts. LOL

Also, and don't get me wrong, because I don't relate as much to my own country. Yes, I love Portugal in a lot of aspects: I love its landscapes from north to south, I love its deep conection to the sea, the food, the weather... But I don't relate to most of the people, the mentality, the way of living, the politics, etc... being shorter on the subject I love this country by its natural aspects, I hate this country because of its human aspects.

It's easier for me to express myself in english, just that.

The D word

Depression.
Some people understand it, some don't. Well, mainly the people who understand it have experienced it, as simple as this.
It has so many forms of manifestation... every case is different.
The thing that pisses me off about this is the way people who don't undertand what a depression is react to you: some think you shoud get into a psychic ward, others think that you try everyday to jump off a cliff and some just think that you're plain crazy.
Well I have news for you my ignorant friends: I NEVER tried to jump off a cliff, I definetly don't need to check myself in a psych ward and I'M NOT A LUNATIC, O.K.?!

Depression is something that came into my life when an avalanche of problems suddlenly and completly without a warning started happening to me. At first I tried to fight back at all that was happening but eventually the snow covered me entirely and I couldn't avoid sinking. I felt hopeless, worthless, miserable. It's not that I wanted to die, I just wanted to disappear.
I lost every interest I once had in things that I love, like painting, drawing, reading, listening to music, etc. The world had no interest for me at all. I felt like a vegetable and that feeling frustrated me... I wanted so hard to feel a little hint of joy in my body when all it allowed me to was apathy, sadness and sometimes pure despair.
I looked for help, and of course, it came gradually, depression won't go away as quickly as it comes to you, it takes time, effort, change, patience.
I'm still fighting it and almost winning after 4 years of pain. I've been reducing my medication, my visits to my doc are rare, and this next months I'm cutting medication for good.

If you're one of the types that I described earlier, please, inform yourself before judging others... Please respect the ones who suffer from this disease ( yes, baby, it's a DISEASE, like a flu! ), don't be an ass to them because they're in enough trouble as it is to have to deal with your stupidity and dumbness. If you can't understand... well, at least stay away and don't make it worse.

Movie Wisdom

"The things you own end up owning you.." Tyler Durden - Fight Club

I believe it's time to rethink my relationship with clothes and other things... it's time to let go.

A woman about her clothes... and shoes.

I've been organizing my wardrobe lately, I had a LOT of laundry and ironing to do.
After some time of puting clothes in there I realized that not even a single piece would fit in my wardrobe or it would explode all over my bedroom.
"How the hell I have so much things??!!" I thought. The answer is simple: we women never get enough of clothes and shoes.
We also create a strange relationship with them, even if some of them don't fit us any more or are so old that is completly embarrasing to wear them in public we can't just throw them away. "Oh, I wore this on that night", "oh this was whatever-name that gave to me", blabla blaaaaa.

It's not that we're too materialistic or futile, it's just that we have feelings for some things... and clothes and shoes are some women's favourites, well at least I speak for myself!

Disenchanted Lullaby...

... Sing me yours, I'll sing you mine.

In the end.

I don't know if I should pity your disgusting self or hate you for being so.
Anyway both feelings pop into my head when your name is spoken and it's only natural to be that way.
But more than hating you I do pity you. A lot. I wish you could be helped, you could learn, you could actually change. But that's when the hating part comes: you can't be helped because you think you're right and know what you're doing, you'll never learn because you're not able to be teached, your pride and over confidence are too high to let someone ever give you a different perspective of life and relations, listening is definetly not part of your traits... and so you'll never change.
I saw many people like you get the other side of the coin of their actions and, believe me, it's not pretty.
I know it's the worst thing it could happen to you and well, it will, you can't stop it from coming.

In the end bitch, you'll be alone.

Rant on Rain...

I do love rain.
I enjoy a nice rain storm, a good thunder and a grey day.
But this is starting to get on my nerves, enough with this weather already!!
I need sun, I need my walks, I need some color on my face, I need the mood boost that only the sun can give ASAP!

Best Friends

I'm really pissed off right now.
And on the other hand really glad.
Pissed because I saw a video on PETA about the University of Utah and what they do to animals. These freaks bring animals from shelters to do tests on them. Are you INSANE?! Have you no heart at all??? How can people who are on an UNIVERSITY and suposely EDUCATED do things like these to defenseless, sweet creatures as cats and dogs? They brought a pregnant cat from a shelter and KILLED all her kittens doing tests... To every single one who did and still does this I have 2 words:

FUCK YOU!

I'm glad, just really glad I adopetd Selena, so that she can never cross the likes of assholes like you and for the record, she's the most loyal, protective, sweet, caring, understanding friend I've EVER HAD.

Alice in Wonderland

Yesterday, as a huge Tim Burton fan that I am, I saw Alice in Wonderland
And as usual, Tim, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter never let me down!

Grey Hair

Yesterday I found myself in front of the mirror brushing my hair and suddenly 3 beautiful white lines shined out of it.
I didn't panic like most women, in fact, I looked at my face and I was smiling.
The problem of most women with the first grey hairs on their heads is that they can't face the coming of age. Do people actually have in their minds that they will live forever and look like they did in their young years?! How square and delusioned they are...
Aside from that I find extremely offensive that people consider the coming of age as somthing negative in life... beeing older means also beeing wiser, experienced, having more knowledge.
But what could I expect from a society that completly ignores their elders??!


I love my grey hairs, and there's nothing in the world that will make me hide them or rip them off.